As Galland explains, if you want real love, you must learn when the motivation is pure, or, “as we Brits say, it’s just to ring the bell and get the coconut! Has a good job, a passion for philanthropy, a naughty sense of humor. This is it, you think giddily with the click of a mouse as the first date is set. Yet, time and time again, what starts out as totally fun attention bubbling with sexual tension ends a few weeks later flat and lifeless. We update our profile with a sexier pic and again we seek out another. We’ve all heard wonderful stories of online dating matches who find their way to the altar, or at least a committed relationship.
Even Tinder, despite its reputation for attracting users seeking causal romance, may deserve a more open mind.(Meanwhile, for more from Suzannah, see Profiling For Intent: When Our Thoughts Run Away From Us and Getting Smart About Love.) by Suzannah Galland He’s handsome. Remember men often see online women daters as vulnerable. Be prepared for disappointment or at least expect to be surprised.While we women think we’ve got what it takes—with our perfect portrait and profile—we are being, for lack of a better term, hunted. No one, no one, not even are what you seem in a dating profile. But there is a sharp difference between a somewhat amended reality to turning up to a date with a downright lie of a human being.“That’s the real issue—how happy are people with their interactions on the dating sites,” says Scott Kominers, a lecturer in economics at Harvard University.On a site like Ok Cupid anyone can send you a message, whereas on the free app Bumble or on Tinder or e Harmony, only people you are matched with can get in touch.
Whether you’ve been married before, are married now, or have yet to find a committed relationship, Galland’s advice below about using gut checks to understand intention is applicable to pretty much any situation. Most of us get so caught up in Phase One of the dating game that we forget we’re jumping into a cyber world fully stashed with hot players who know that sexy smiles and a little attention is all it takes to trap you.